Another Irregular Cycle

So here it is, CD 29 and no O. I have had, what seems like an eternity of fertile mucus, but no temp spike to confirm it. I have also had O pains, and nothing. If I didn't see the mucus or feel signs of O approaching, it wouldn't bother me as much. But I honestly feel like, my body is playing tricks on me. I know I am not actively TTC, but all I want is a regular cycle. One that is less that 40 days, how hard is that? So even if I O today on CD 29 and add 14 days, I will have a 43 day cycle, which is irregular. I hate waiting to O because day after day I see that my cycle is slowly becoming irregular. The only good thing about my cycles, is that I always have at least a 14 day LP. I guess someone can't have everything negative. So in the meantime I'm trying to stay positive and see how the rest of the months will go and I always ask myself will this be my last irregular cycle?

In the meantime, two weeks ago I joined a gym. Besides putting on 15 lbs during the winter, I felt it was time to do something different and productive. I've always hated doing any type of exercising; going for walks, bike riding, especially going to the gym to workout. But I have completely changed to the point I don't recognize myself. I have been going to the gym five times a week and working out for at least one hour every day. I am now doing Yoga, Pilates, and other cardio classes. I'm so motivated to go to that gym Monday through Friday, it's amazing. Although it's only been two weeks, I have seen some changes. My legs are becoming a little firmer, I have also been sleeping better and just feeling better in general. I'm also hoping that this will help regulate my cycles. I'm so proud of myself.

Weekend with John

Well it's Friday and who doesn't love Fridays? Having two days off from work and knowing I can sleep in always gets me excited.

But today is a different Friday from the others, John will be away all weekend. I have to say that in the 3 1/2 years that we have been married, we probably have been separated maybe 5 times at most. So of course I'll be missing him very much. He's going to New Hampshire to spend a "guys weekend" with his uncles and cousins. I know he will have fun, so that makes me happy.

So what will I do this weekend as a single lady? Tonight I'm going out with my friend and her friends and we are going to party!!! We are all going out to dinner and than we are going to a nightclub. The weirdest part about going to a nightclub is that I can finally see that I don't look 21 years old anymore. I realize that those we are 21 or so look much younger than what I do. I guess it's time to realize that yes, I will be 30 in a few more weeks.

The next few days after the miscarriage

So on Sunday night we drove back home to Massachusetts. John stopped at a Trader Joe's to pick up our favorite nuts for out oatmeal and I stayed in the car. When he got to the car he was carrying a dozen of red roses (my favorite) and a Christmas plant in his hands. As he got inside the car he gave them to me and said, I just want you to know how much I love you!!! I just burst into tears again and hugged him so much. He truly is the best husband!!! When I called my Ob/Gyn on Saturday to report the spotting that still wanted me to go in on Monday morning and to bring all the paper work from the hospital in NY. When I got there, I was told that the appointment was just for b/w. I told them that I didn't need any more b/w done on me, I knew that I had a miscarriage, and all I wanted was to talk to the Dr. I had never met this doctor before so I wasn't sure what to expect. Would he see me although he never met me? Would he even make time to see a new patient on a day I didn't have an apointment? Well the receptionist was so nice to me and said that indeed he was in and was going to see if he could talk to me. About 5 minuts after waiting in the waiting room, she called my name and said that yes the doctor would see me in his office. I walked in to his office and started talking to him about everything. The irregular cycles, the pregnancy, the bronchitis, the miscarriage, reasons why I could of miscarried. Talking to him was like talking to my best friend. He just sat in listen to every thing I was saying. We talked for about 20 minutes. I walked out of that office with the biggest smile on my face because I realized I had a great doctor. Here I was walking in there, with no appointment and yet he was willing to see me and take the time out to talk to me. I went to the lab for more b/w and was sent for an ultrasound. Two days later my doctor calls me and tells me that everything was normal in my b/w but he strongly recommended me to wait 3 months before TTC. He also wanted me to go in for more b/w on CD 3, CD 10, and CD 21. After a month and a half of good b/w results, I saw him again in his office and he told me, he saw no reason why we should wait. I had the green light to try again. Well that was the easist part, now I just had to wait until my body was ready to ovulate. Day after day, week after week, and no sign of ovulating. In mid February I had some spotting and when I called my dr he said it was mid-cycle spotting from an annovultory cycle. He sure was right. About two weeks after my body decided to O. So ever since January we have been TTC but my body has still been irregular so we have not had any luck. I finally decided in late June that it was time to give my body a rest from all this TTC. I have now been irregular for one year. I'm going to Portugal in October to visit my family and I just need to stop thinking about TTC for a while. In the meantime my goal is to see if I can get my body to O at a regular time. So TTC will begin again in October.

When we decided it was time....

John and I got married on October 2, 2004 and it was my fairy tale wedding. I married my best friend, my soul mate, and the person whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. From the beginning we always talked about having children, having that little person that would be half of me and half of John, but there were definitely priorities. We definitely knew we wanted to own our own home before we tried to have children. We didn't want to have a child while we were still renting and living in our little apartment. Well that priority was fulfilled when we bought our home in August 2007. Day after day we moved in, we decorated, and before we knew it, it was all finished and it finally felt like our little nest. We also decided that it was time to add a new member into our nest. So in November we decided it was time to finally try to conceive. I had been irregular for a few months now and I had decided in July that I was going to start charting. I begun charting in July and I noticed that I was becoming irregular cycle after cycle. At first I thought the reason why I was so irregular was because I went through a lot of stress during the whole closing and moving process of the house. So in November I gave up alcohol and starting doing good things for my body to become ready to have a child. I finally ovulated on CD 36. Ironically at the same time I also got bronchittis and was very ill for a few days. I continued temping during the long 2 ww period. I had no symptoms what so ever, although my chart did show a triphasic pattern. On 15 DPO I knew that either my temp would drop and AF would arrive or my temp would raise and it could possibly be a BFP. So on 15 DPO, my temp sore and I knew that I was pregnant. As soon as I saw my temp, I got up from bed and told John I was pregnant. He was shocked! That afternoon I stopped at CVS and picked up a digital home pregnancy test. I waited until John got home and took the test. After about 3 minutes, I look at the test, and the result showed up - pregnant. We were so excited!!! That night we talked about everything and how we would have a little baby in 9 months. The next day I told my parents and called my Ob/Gyn to schedule an appointment. I had never met this Ob/Gyn that I was going to because in the past I was always seen my the physician assistant, but my primary physician recommend him to me and I went with her recommendation. It was still all a shock to me the fact that I was pregnant. That weekend we were going to New York to a Christmakkuah part and we decided that we would tell John's parents that we were expecting. We told them the news when we got there Friday night and his mom was so excited. We went to bed and the next day is when everything begin to unfold. I woke up and went I went to the bathroom I saw that I was spotting bright red. I got a little nervous but at first didn't think much of it. I had read in the pass that some women experience some spotting, so I thought this is what I'm having. As the morning progressed the spotting became more intense and I also noticed that my breasts were no longer swollen. At that exact moment I knew that I was miscarrying. I called my Dr. and they wanted me to go in for some blood work immediately. When I told them I was not in town but in NY, they said for me to go the hospital right away and gave me list of all sorts of blood work that I should have done. I told John and his parents the news and they rushed me to the hospital. At this time the bleeding was now officialy flowing like my period have arrived. I was checked in and within minutes was seen by the doctor. After an hour or so of bloodwork and urine samples, the doctor approached John and I and told us that he was sorry to inform us that I had indeed miscarried. I bursted out into tears. The doctor told us that his wife in fact had had two miscarriages and today they had two lovely sons. John just kept holding my arm. I went in for an ultrasound and indeed there was nothing there. I went home back to my mother-in-law's house feeling so empty. I couldn't believe it that I had miscarried! I called home and told my parents and my sister immediately. I felt so sad that we had just told the good news to my in laws and now we were on our way home to reveal some bad news.