Week 5

I can't believe a week has all ready gone by since my BFP. It seems crazy how fast this week went by.

Today I am 5 weeks along and the baby is the size of:


Your embryo (looking kind of like a tadpole) is starting to form major organs (heart, kidney, liver, stomach) and systems (nervous, circulatory, digestive). Baby's presence in your uterus triggers production of hCG (the hormone detected by pregnancy tests)... which triggers production of other hormones like estrogen and progesterone... which trigger all those great symptoms you've probably been noticing! Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point, he/she's about the size of a sesame seed, and he/she looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. He/she's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, the mesoderm, and the endoderm — which will later form all of his organs and tissues.

Symptoms
I have had a few symptoms, extreme sore boobs, fatigue, frequent urination, and I just begun having heartburn today. I also feel like the nausea might be right around the corner. I use to go all night without a bathroom break, well not anymore. I have to wake up at least once during the night to go to the bathroom. I'm starting to feel tired but lunch and dinner seem to give me a burst of energy. I feel extremely bloated after dinner. My boobs are really sore. I hope all these symptoms is a sign that things are going well inside.

Last night John and I announced to my family that we are expecting. They were all very happy and excited. I kept reminding them that I have had two m/cs and it's really early and they are all very optimistic about my pregnancy this time.

I also passed another milestone today. With my 2nd BFP, I lost all my symptoms at exactly 5 weeks. Well today I have all my symptoms and just added a new one, heartburn. I have also made my first appointment with my Ob/Gyn Dr. P. I will see him in less than 2 weeks on Jan 13 at 3:00 p.m. I can't wait for that day to arrive. I'm pretty sure I will be having an u/s done so it will be really nice to see the baby and make sure everything is growing.

Tonight my family and I are going out to ring in the New Year. It will be fun.

Happy New Year everyone!!! I hope 2009 will be a good year for everyone.

Beta Results

All my beta results are in!!!!

14 DPO = 109
16 DPO = 268
18 DPO = 744

I can't believe that since 16 to 18 DPO they have almost tripled!!!! I'm SO excited but yet I still have the scared nervous feeling inside of me as well. I have so many milestones to accomplish this week and next.

Milestones
1.) I went to NY for Christmas and had no spotting!!! With both of my BFPs, I always started spotting in NY and eventually miscarried with both. This time I went and had no spotting at all.

2.) No spotting. I know I'm still early and yes I inspect my toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom, and thank God there has been no spotting.

3.) I think my betas in itself is a milestone for me. It's an indication that things are going really well, so far.

4.) Today I'm 4 weeks and 5 days, and it happens to be when I miscarried the first time. My miscarriage begun in the morning on this day. I continue to have my symptoms so I think I'll pass today's milestone.

5.) With my second BFP, I lost all my symptoms at 5 weeks. I will be 5 weeks on Wednesday and I'm praying to God I will continue to have my symptoms.

6.) At 5 weeks and 5 days is when my 2nd miscarriage begun. That will be my biggest milestone of all because every day after that is a day further than I have ever been. That day is next Monday.

I keep praying to God that this pregnancy will be okay.

John and I decided that we will announce to my family before they leave to Portugal. He thinks it will be nice to tell them in person, so we will announce it before they leave next week. I'm hoping to get an u/s in before there departure day and surprise them with an u/s picture. I'm waiting on my Ob/Gyn's nurse to call me back and let me know.

Thank you EVERYONE for all your well wishes!!!!

A VERY special Christmas Gift

Merry Christmas!!! As you can see from the pictures above I received the BEST gift this morning, a B.F.P!!!!. It's all I wanted for Christmas and I thank GOD my wish was granted. I'm SO excited you have no idea but at the same time I'm scared and nervous. This is my 3rd BFP so I'm a little nervous. I believe and have faith in God and it's going to be whatever he decides. I all ready spoke to my Ob/Gyn Dr. P this morning and I also all ready went in to his office to have my betas drawn. I'm going in Friday and Sunday mornings for additional betas. Friday afternoon I will have my results from this morning and Friday's morning betas. I'm praying to God that they are doubling. I'm continuing my daily dosage of baby aspirin, 4 mg of Folic Acid, and my PNV. I am 14 DPO today and I basically have had no symptoms at all. I have had this achy, pulling, tightening sensation around my uterus, and yesterday my breasts started to feel fuller. I was going to wait until Friday, 16 DPO to test but decided to test this morning on Christmas Eve. Thank you so much for all your support girls. I'm truly blessed today that I have found so many good friends on-line!!!

I'm so excited it's Christmas Eve. I love Christmas Eve, more than Christmas Day. Tonight is a big night at my parents house, it's the night we open all of our gifts. My 5yr old nephew is so excited for Santa to come to see if he brought him a tarzan toy. That's all he wanted this year. I can't wait to see the kids faces as they open their gifts. I am so excited to be spending Christmas Eve surrounded by my whole family who I love very much. If you're wondering if I will tell them about my BFP tonight, the answer is NO. John and I are not telling anyone until we have confirmation that this is a healthy pregnancy and one that will go to full term. It's definitely going to be so hard to hide it from them today, but I don't want to break their hearts again if something bad is to happen.

I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!!!

So Excited and I've been Tagged!!!

I'm so excited right now, not only because tomorrow is Christmas Eve, but because my sister, bil, and nephews arrived last night. I LOVE having them here. I wish they lived here in the US with us so I could see them all the time. My oldest nephew who is 5 years old is so cute. He loves to watch tv with me and play games. I love him so much!!! I plan to enjoy every minute I can with them because I know our time is limited.


I've been tagged once again!!!


Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.

2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.

3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blog, if anyone has not been tagged and would like to do so, please do.

1.) As a child I use to hate to read books, probably because I only read the books I was assigned to in school. Now as an adult, I absolutely love to read. It's definitely one of my hobbies.

2.) Before meeting John, I had never travelled in the US. The only states I had visited were obviously Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and once to New York. Today, I have visited the whole entire East Coast with John. We have also been to Las Vegas, Utah, and California. He has showed me so much of the US that I have never seen.

3.) Every vacation spot that John and I visit, we always buy a coffee mug and a shot glass. The coffee mugs are our daily mugs. When you visit our house and drink coffee, you will drink from one of our vacation spots. So you can see where in the world we have travelled to.

4.) I learned how to drive shift by myself. When I was 17 years old, my sister's car was shift and I promised myself I would learn how to drive that car. Well one day I had a dream of how to shift the gears and the next day I went outside to try it. It worked. Of course I would let the car stall a few times, but I finally got the hang of it. After that all my cars have been shift except our SUV that we now have.

5.) I love to drink coffee, it's definitely one of my favorite beverages. I love to try different flavors and different kinds of roast. John and I love it so much we visited a coffee plantation in Costa Rica. I consider myself such a true coffee drinker that I drink it black with no sugar, coffee straight up.

6.) I feel that I'm closer to my Dad than my mom. My Dad is the person who I go to whenever I have a problem or something is bothering me. I actually open up to my Dad quite a bit and that's why I consider my Dad one of my best friends.

7.) I believe that everything in life happens for a reason and what is meant to be is meant to be.

Snow Storm

Friday afternoon snow began falling which turned out to be our first big snow storm of the season. Friday afternoon I left work early and did some grocery shopping to prepare for a few inches of snow. The snow started falling around 2 p.m. and it really hasn't stopped ever since. By Friday night we had 9 inches of snow on the ground. I love snow!!! I love to watch it fall and see how the trees become so beautiful. I love to go outside and bring my ruler with me to see how many inches has fallen so far. Yesterday the snow fell all day but it was very light. Today it was snowing this morning, but it's suppose to turn into rain later on. Here are a few pics of the snow storm.

Snow on my deck


You can see how much snow is on top of my patio table


My backyard


A view of my street


So Friday night I baked Chocolate Chip cookies and Oatmeal nut cookies from scratch. John loves homemade cookies with milk, so I treated him to that. What a better night than to have them on a snowy night. Yesterday and today we have just hung around the house. So it's been a very relaxing weekend.


TTC
Friday, 9 DPO, I started having some aches, not cramps, but more like a pulling tightening feeling all day. Yesterday I have had the same type of feeling, and this morning I'm starting to feel some very mild cramps. Friday morning I did have a very high temp spike, but that's because I have a cold and was feeling a little warm that day. Saturday morning, the temp dropped, but still remains higher than the previous days. This morning again another high temp. I have had all high temps since I started temping a week from today and each day they get higher and higher. FF now says that my chart is triphasic. Besides the aches, I still have no other symptoms, not even "phantom." I'm starting to get the urge to test, which is so unlike me. I normally like to test when I'm late because I hate to see a BFN, but this cycle it's different. There are times which I think I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, and than there are others I feel like I'm not. My plan is to test Friday morning although I don't know if I'll be able to hold out that long.

8 DPO

I'm 8 DPO today and have absolutely no symptoms at all. None whatsoever. I'm starting to think that perhaps this cycle is over for me although it is too early to tell. Of course I have gone through my two previous BFP charts and saw that I started getting symptoms as early as 2 DPO. Than again, I did miscarry so I don't know how bad I want to experience the same symptoms. I have been temping and have been adding them to my chart if anyone wants to see. My temps are high, but than again I always seem to have pretty high post O temps. I guess I'll just have to wait and see day by day.

Tomorrow we are suppose to get a snow storm, yay!!! They are saying a minimum of 5 inches of snow, although I have heard that by the coast we can get a mix. I live right on the coast of Massachusetts so many times we get rain or sleet instead of snow. I'm really hoping we do get a good amount tomorrow.

I can't believe my sister and nephews are arriving Monday night. I can't wait to see them at the airport. My mother and I will drive up to Boston to pick them up. 4 more days!!!

Than it's Christmas Eve and Christmas. I'm almost done with all my shopping although I have not wrapped one gift. I'll probably do that this weekend.

I hope everyone is enjoying their week!!!

Home Sweet Home

It feels so good to be back home! Our vacation was great. We couldn't of asked for better weather. We still managed to go to the beach twice and even swam in the water. Of course we were the only two in the water. The local Floridians think that 67 degree water is cold, but when you grow up in the Northeast that is your typical water temperature in the summer. It did feel cold when you stepped in, but after 5 minutes or so your body adjusted to it. Most of the days were always in the high 70s or low 80s. Some nights it got down to low 60s and my SIL thought that was very cold. I told her she has no idea what cold really is. I have to say that the week flew right by but I'm happy to be back home.

Last night when we landed it was 24 degrees. What a shock! Of course we were prepared with our thick winter coats and hats. It actually felt like a nice crisp feeling. I slept so good in my bed that I missed and it just feels so good to be back home. Today I'll be unpacking and just taking it easy. Enjoying cups of coffee and watching football by my fireplace, what more could I ask for on a lazy Sunday.

TTC
I of course took my temperature this morning as I was eager to see and was quite disappointed when I saw a pre O temp. I'm not sure what to think now. I definitely had the cm and those horrible O pains which made me 100% sure that I O'ed, but I don't understand why my temp was not in the post O range. Now I'm confused, did I O or did I not O? I don't know if I should judge this by only one temp? I'm seriously confused now. I'll just have to temp tomorrow and see what happens.

In the 2 WW

I'm so excited to be in the 2ww after my 2nd miscarriage. It seems like it's been forever since I've been in the 2ww, and in reality it has, since July. I didn't bring my thermometer down to Florida with me, but sometimes I wish I did. I technically don't temp anymore, but I still like to take my temperature around O just to have that confirmation. I am confirming O by my cm and by my horrible O pains yesterday. So today I am 1 dpo!!! So lovely AF is due right on Christmas Day or I could receive a wonderful BFP right on Christmas Day. I really hope it's a BFP and not AF on Christmas morning.

Every since my HSG last month, I have experienced new O pains I have never felt before. I feel like I can feel everything in my ovaries. In the past, I would get typically O pain and O the following day. Now, I get any achy feeling around my ovaries for about 3 days. Yesterday I had the worse O pains I have ever felt. They were so strong that I felt like I had cramps as well. For those of you who have had a HSG, have you experienced this?

In another note, I can't believe my vacation is basically over. As much as I love vacation, I'm always excited to go back home, especially this time of the year as the holidays are approaching. Tomorrow is my last full day here in Florida. I really better enjoy this 80 degree weather.

Is she pregnant?

That's the question my father-in-law asked John yesterday. It's very interesting how people observe women and their habits. I knew that my father-in-law would be very suspicious of me. I was the type of person who would never say no to a nice refreshing beer, especially Sam Adams, my favorite. But the minute I arrived in Florida Saturday afternoon, he started noticing that for the first time, I said no to my favorite beer. He offered me beer several times that day and I continued to say no. Sunday morning, another observation, I ordered a decaf coffee. So yesterday, the first opportunity he had with John alone, he asked John the famous question, is she pregnant?

John told him no, but told his dad everything that has been happening to us during the year. He now knows about my miscarriages and my homozygous mutation of MTHFR, and that we are TTC this month. It's kind of weird to know that my father-in-law knows we are TTC.

Sunny Warm Florida

We arrived this afternoon at 3:30 p.m. down in Tampa, Florida. I can't believe how warm it is down here, it was 72 degrees. This morning when I left my house in Massachusetts it was 20 degrees. As soon as we stepped outside of the airport it felt so nice. I feel like I'm in a different world with this weather. When we got to my father-in-law's house, John and I immediately switch out of our winter sweaters into t-shirts and sandals. This will be nice to have this kind of weather for a week. It's nice to escape the cold in the winter. It will definitely be a shock when we arrive a week from today, but for now I'll enjoy the warm sunshine state of Florida.

Vacation - Again

John and I are leaving on vacation tomorrow afternoon. You must be thinking that we go on vacation a lot, and your right we do. I guess that's what happens when your husband gets 5 weeks of vacation a year and family members in Florida and New York. We also always go somewhere on vacation. Tomorrow we are leaving to Florida again to spend a week with my father-in-law and sister-in-law. We normally make this trip once a year, but this year will be twice. My father-in-law's birthday is on Monday and John wants to spend it with him and while we are down there we will have a fake Christmas. I feel very fortunate that John and I are able to always go on vacation. In the 8.5 years that we have been together we have definitely done our good share of traveling to which we have so many memories of. This vacation is a very relaxing one. We don't do much except go to the beach and relax. It will be nice to know I can sleep in for a whole week!!! I have to finish packing tonight and than we are ready to leave. It will be nice to escape the cold here in Massachusetts and spend a week in warm sunny Florida.

It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas

Yes it is here at the "D" house. Friday night after John got out of work we went and bought our Christmas tree. Ever since John and I got married we have started a few of our own traditions. One of them is that we always buy our tree the weekend after Thanksgiving. I love having a decorated Christmas tree at my house, so I try to have it for as long as I can. We normally buy a Fraser fir, but this year we tried a different kind, electric silver blue balsam fir. I have no idea why they would name a tree that. So our Friday night was spent decorating our tree, listening to Christmas music, and watching the fireplace. We also decorated our banisters, the fireplace, and the kitchen. The whole house definitely feels like Christmas.

Here is a picture of the Christmas Tree

Fireplace with stockings


Our Thanksgiving weekend was fun. We had a wonderful time at his step-sister's house. It was nice to see the whole family.

This morning I went to the doctor to have a holter monitor hook up to me. I have always had a fast heart rate. I have a family history of heart disease so my doctor wants to make sure that the fast heart rate is not caused by any irregularities. The holtor machine is not the most comfortable thing to wear, but at least I will know the results in 2 weeks when I meet with the cardiologist. Hopefully everything is normal and regular.

John's uncle passed away Sunday morning, so we are heading back to New York tomorrow for the funeral. It's always sad to say goodbye to a loved one. He had been very ill for a long time, so we all know that he is in a better place right now.

Twilight & Thanksgiving

Last night as many of you know, I went to go see Twilight and I have to say I really enjoyed it. There was obviously many scenes deleted and I always feel that the book is so much better, but I really enjoyed it. I liked the little cliff hanger at the end. John really liked it too. I kept telling him it was about vampires and I have no clue what he thought the movie was going to be about. He said he really enjoyed it and he like the whole plot. Now I feel like re-reading the book.

I just want to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow!!!! If you will be traveling, have a safe trip!!! John and I are traveling this afternoon. We are driving down to New York to spend Thanksgiving with his family. His step-sister just bought a house this past spring, and she's hosting the dinner tomorrow. It will be nice to see the family since I haven't seen them since the summer. Friday we both have to work, so we will be leaving New York very early to make it on time.

I feel very blessed and thankful this year. I'm thankful for my lovable family and husband, for my health, for my home, and for all the good things in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!

CD 1

She has finally arrived!!! CD 1 is here. I'm SO excited because FINALLY I get to TTC this month. I feel so ready for this again. I think one of the good things that has come in this one year, is that I feel more ready for this today than ever before. I know we both feel this way.

I'm also going to see the movie Twilight tonight!!! It's a good day today.

Hope everyone is enjoy their day.

I Broke Down

Ever since this whole TTC began a year ago, I had my first break down on Saturday afternoon.

It all started after John and I left Church. The readings at Mass were all about giving back to people and how we should help each other out. When we left, we discussed them for a little bit and John said, see you shouldn't feel jealous of anyone. He got the hint about two weeks ago that I am/was a little jealous of his step-sister. I have NEVER been jealous of anyone but I was a little jealous of her lately. Why? Because she got her BFP right around the same time I got mine. What happened to me? I miscarried. And her? She's still carrying. Not to long ago I logged onto her baby registry and saw that her due date was/is exactly one day after what mine would of been. I know they TTC for a few months before the BFP, but nonetheless I felt sad that I had miscarried for the second time. And why couldn't that be me with? Why couldn't I still be pregnant?

We came home, sat on the couch, and I completely broke down. I normally am a strong person, and my positive thoughts that everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be is, normally gets me through the tough times. But I need to let all the pain out and all my feelings out. I cried for awhile, while John just held me in his arms. I told him what a year it's been, that I've gone through a lot, not only with the miscarriages but also with my diagnosis of my double mutation, homozygous of the MTHFR, and everything. I can't tell you how good it felt to let all those emotions out of me. Not once throughout this whole year have I done that. I always tried to be strong and I did a great job until Saturday night. I think for once, John really saw how I felt and feel about this whole process. I feel so relieved, like a weight has been lifted off of me. He just kept hugging me and telling me how much he loved me.

I'm trying really hard to not be jealous of his step-sister. I'm thinking how happy she must be feeling knowing she will have a baby soon. I think if that was me I would want people to be happy for me. I will be seeing her on Thanksgiving Day with her baby bump, I'm sure, but every time I feel a slight jealousy in me, I will be praying for her and her baby. I don't want to feel like this, and I know I can get over it. I know my time will arrive.

I still haven't gotten AF. Not sure if I'm having another 15 day LP or if I perhaps O'ed a day later than what I thought. We are both SO excited to TTC this month. This whole TTC process has really brought us closer to each other.

I've been tagged

Answer the following with one word:

Where is your cell phone? Purse
Where is your significant other? Office
Hair color? Brown
Your mother? Generous
Your father? Lovable
Your favorite thing? Family
Your dream last night? Scary
Your dream/goal? Mother
The room you’re in? Living
Your hobby? Cooking
Your fear? Death
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Here
Where were you last night? Home
What you’re not? Lefty
One of your wish-list items? Children
Where you grew up? MA
The last thing you did? Eat
What are you wearing? Sweats
Your TV? LCD
Your pet? Niklas
Your computer? desktop
Your mood? Okay
Missing someone? Yes
Favorite store? Clothing
Our summer? Quick
Love someone? Family
Your favorite color? Pink
When is the last time you laughed? Today
Last time you cried? Today

And now I'll tag the following: Chica, RedRose, AMG, Amanda, Lindsey (LTF525). Go!

Baby Clothes

My parents and grandmother arrived from Portugal Friday night and I couldn't be happier. Especially my grandmother who is here for the holidays. My parents live here in the U.S. with me, but my grandmother doesn't nor does my sister and nephews. I just have to wait a few more weeks and than my sister, nephews, and BIL will arrive for the holidays as well. I absolutely love this time of the year. I love Christmas, especially when my family is all here.

My sister has been saving most of my nephew's clothes for me, so I always knew that once I have a baby, I would have lots of clothes from my nephews. The first time I got a BFP, I had told her she could bring the clothes with her because I would be needing them in 9 months. After my m/c she obviously didn't bring the clothes and ever since I never asked her for them. While I was in Portugal, since my family knows I'm TTC, I told her I would like to have the clothes. I'm hoping this feeling I had inside of me to ask her, is a good sign. So Friday night my parents brought me a suitcase full of baby clothes. I had no idea she had that much stuff. I went through some stuff and they are so adorable although mostly everything is blue. I now have a full wardrobe for the baby. I have just about everything from onesies, pajamas, jeans, overall, clothes, even coats. I called my sister yesterday and thanked her for all the clothes and of course told her how adorable everything is. All I need is a BFP and a sticky baby.

Early O date???

I have been debating for awhile now about my O date for this cycle. First, I have had irregular cycles for a year. Second, after being on bcp for so long, I forgot what my normal cycles were like, although they were regular for the first few months after bcp. Third, I find it to be a miracle that I could of possibly O'ed early. Could it possibly be that my cycles are becoming regular?

I have changed a lot in the past few months. Before my second m/c I charted, always drank regular coffee, always had a glass or two of wine with my meals, on the weekends I would have manhattans and martinis, I didn't exercise and had irregular cycles. While doing all these things and TTC, I would of never given up these habits until I saw a BFP. Why change when your not pg? Well everything changed after my second m/c.

I started thinking maybe these somewhat "bad" habits were effecting me more than I thought. The first month I started charting and throughout my charting months I was ALWAYS irregular. I started thinking what else was I doing that I wasn't doing before. I really took time and examined my life and what I was doing. So the day finally came that I decided it was time to put an end. My new changes have been drinking decaf coffee even on the weekends now, I don't drink anything with caffeine, I don't drink alcohol anymore not even a glass of wine, I stopped charting, I began exercising, and things started changing in my body. My cycles were starting to change from irregular to regular. Could it be that these changes had that much effect on my cycles and on my body? My August cycle, which was my m/c was 36 days. My September cycle was 33 days.

Well this cycle seems to be heading in the same direction, regular. I started getting fertile cm on CD 9, which for me is way to early. I started seeing more and more each day. I had my HSG on CD 13 and that totally changed my cm. On CD 14 I started to feel some aches on my ovary, similar to O pains but not that intense. I was sure it was probably aches from the HSG. Well the aches continue and so did the cm. On CD 16 I decided I needed some confirmation of what was going on. I took my temp and was surprised to see a post O temp. It was a low post temp, so it could of been a very high pre O temp as well. The following day I did again, and again it was higher. I took my temp for 5 days straight in a row and I got 5 days of increasing higher temps. So after looking at that, I can pretty much say I probably O'ed on CD 15 which is a MIRACLE for me. The girl who was irregular for a year? The one that had a 61 day cycle? I just have to wait for AF to arrive to confirm it 100%. Could it possibly be that my new changes are changing my cycles that much? I just hope they stay like this next cycle when I begin TTC. I have to say I'm so excited that I'm regular for the 3rd cycle in a row. I really feel like this is a miracle. I honestly feel that certain things that we do in our daily life can significantly change us. Come on AF hurry up so I can start TTC!!!

Weekend

I had a nice relaxing weekend. Ever since we have been back from vacation we have spent our weekends at home doing absolutely nothing. It's been so nice to just relax, take it easy, and not have plans. I have had to work the past two Saturday's, so I'm looking forward to having this Saturday off.

I am taking my antibiotic prescribed to me after my HSG. Well, I'm not doing good with them. I have had 3 out of the 4 side effects. The side effects listed are; upset stomach, nausea, vomiting, and headaches. The headaches is the only thing I haven't had. I even vomited on Saturday after taking them. At that point I was ready to throw them in the garbage. Who wants to take medicine to feel like crap. I can understand if I was sick and needed them, but to take them as a precaution. So I've learned that they work best when taking on an empty stomach. The last two times haven't been bad. I'm also having some aches around my ovaries, not sure if it's from the HSG or if it's O pains. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

On Saturday John and I went out to lunch and than went for a nice walk. It felt really good to be outside and breathing in fresh air. In the afternoon we went to church. We had not gone in awhile, so it felt really good to go. I always compare church to the gym. You never feel like going, but once your done, it feels good. I felt I wanted to talk to God and help me through this TTC journey. At times I find myself being jealous of pregnant women, and that is not my character at all. I just want to be a mom and be pregnant that I wish I was the one. It's been a LONG one year of TTC and I don't know how much longer I have. So it felt good to talk to God about all my feelings inside and ask him to continue giving me the strength to go on.

HSG - DONE

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their comments and their well wishes, I greatly appreciate. You have no idea how much it meant to me to see that you all were going to think of me today, Thank you SO much!!!

My HSG is done and I feel so relieved and happy right now! I got to the hospital and was taken up to Radiology. I was called in immediately and they started to prepare me. My Ob/Gyn walked in and talked with me for a few minutes. He wanted to know how I was feeling and he also asked about my vacation. The prep work took about 10 minutes but the HSG took literally 3 minutes. It was so quick it was over before I knew it. They did recommend to take two advils an hour before the procedure. I normally have a good tolerance for pain, so I decided not to take the advil, and I'm so glad I didn't. I have to say that the HSG didn't hurt at all, not even when he was inserting the dye. He did mention that I might feel a little cramping, but I felt no cramping, no pain, nothing. It was so easy for me that I would do it again.

The results; everything looks great. My uterus looks great and my tubes are completely clear. So after seeing the results, my ob/gyn confirmed that in deed my two miscarriages were caused by my blood clotting disorder MTHFR.

He does want me to wait until next month to start TTC, which is fine with me. So this is my last month of TTA,yay!!! I'm really excited to start TTC again next month. He also said once I get a BFP,to call him right away and to speak with him directly. He will get me in right away to see me and will be checking my betas every other day for a 1.5 week. I'm glad he's taking this aggressive approach with me. Knowing my betas right from the start and knowing them for almost two weeks will give me peace of mind and will also tell me in which direction my pregnancy will go. Right now, I feel so happy. I'm relieved to know the results of my HSG. Hopefully the MTHFR is also somewhat under control with my pnv, high dosage of folic acid and my baby aspirin a day, so I'm hoping and praying BFP #3 is the one.

Once again thank you girls for all your support and well wishes!!!

2nd Pre-HSG Appointment

So here I went this morning again for my 2nd Pre-HSG appointment. I hope this was my second and last appointment. Let's keep our fingers crossed that my HSG will be performed tomorrow morning. I went in for the usual, b/w to see if I'm pregnant, fill out paperwork, and receive my authorization form for tomorrow. My HSG is schedule for tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m. I have to be at the hospital for 8:00 a.m. to probably fill out more paperwork. I am my Ob/Gyn's first patient so hopefully it will be performed. The nurse checked to see if he is on call tomorrow, and his the second dr, so she said it shouldn't be a problem. Let's hope not. I really want to get this done with so I can start TTC this month. I asked the nurse if I will receive the results tomorrow and she said yes, after the procedure he will tell me the results. After being diagnosed with MTHFR, my Ob/Gyn is pretty confident that my HSG will come back clear. I will keep you all posted tomorrow on how it went and the results.

TTC Anniversary

It's officially been one year since we started our TTC journey. What was our progress in one year? Two BFPs, Two Miscarriages, 5 cycles of TTC, lots of blood work, and a MTHFR diagnoses. I remember talking to John last October about our decision to add a family member. We talked and envisioned what it would be like to have a baby and how excited we were to begin trying. But, here we are one year later and the dream has been crushed twice. No one is ever prepare to deal with infertility when you hop on the TTC journey. I never thought, and I don't think anyone does, that it can take this long to conceive. You hear about other people's stories of infertility, but you never think that perhaps it could happen to you, boy has that changed! I feel like anything could happen to anyone.

In one year, TTC has consumed me more than I ever thought it could. There has been times where I feel that I'm obsessed with the idea of TTC. I remember looking at clothes and not wanting to buy them hoping I would be in maternity clothes soon and looking at future dates and thinking I might be pregnant by then. It put a stop in my life to buy and do what I wanted to do and all this for absolutely nothing. If there is one thing I learned, I live life one day at a time. I no longer want to look at future dates and think I might be pregnant or not wanting to buy a new outfit thinking I might be in maternity clothes soon. I don't want TTC to stop my life as it did in the past.

Today, I have mixed emotions about my journey. I'm sad and happy at the same time. I'm sad to realize that after a year I'm still not a mother. I think about my first BFP and if I had never miscarried my child would of been almost 3 months. I think about my second BFP and how quick that ended as well. I think about how frustrating my long endless cycles were and how in one year I was only given 5 opportunities to try. On the other hand, I'm happy because I was able to fly to Portugal and spend 2.5 amazing weeks with my family. I had been wanting that vacation so bad, and I thank God that I was able to go. Because of my history with recurrent miscarriages, my Ob/Gyn will not let me fly during my first trimester, so it just made it extra special. My relationship with John has grown so much stronger as we battle with infertility. I've learned so much about my body and about MTHFR. I have matured in one year and I've realized how much more I will cherish and appreciate pregnancy.

I don't know how much longer it will take for me to conceive or if I will conceive at all. One thing I know for sure, is that it could take months before anything happens. I have my HSG this coming Friday, Nov 7 and we will see where it goes from here on. Currently, I'm not TTC because we are waiting for my HSG. I'm hoping that once that is done I'll be back on. In the meantime, I'm enjoying everyday of my life. I like the fact that I'm still not charting and I don't know if I will go back. For me, not charting has been much more relaxing. I'm still taking my 6 daily pills which consist of 1 PNV, 1 baby aspirin, and 4 folic acid. I'm still drinking decaf coffee, eliminating alcohol, and doing all the "good stuff." They say third is a charm so I'm hoping that the 3rd BFP will be the one.

Back in the U.S.A.

Vacation is over and we are back in the U.S.A. I can't believe how fast time flew while I was away. The 18 days that we were in Portugal felt like 3 days. I was in heaven with my sister, nephews, grandmother, and family. I love spending every minute I can with them. I just stayed at my mom's house and did absolutely nothing. At one point, John started calling me a vegetable because all I did was vegged out. But that's what I like to do when I visit my family. My nephew was finally baptized and I got to celebrate my oldest nephew's birthday which was on the same day.

Every since we've been back, I've been extremely busy. I've been catching up on my work, unpacking, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, storing away summer clothes, etc. I'm hoping to finally catch up with everything this weekend and start fresh next week.

Here are a few pics from my trip.

My sister and brother-in-law


My whole family with my nephew on his baptism. Me, Dad, Sister, Martim (my youngest nephew on her arm),BIL, Mom, John, and Pedrinho my oldest nephew


John and I with Martim


My sister, BIL, and Martim on his baptism


My sister and I with my nephews

Vacation - YAY!!!!

I'm so excited to leave for vacation tonight. It's been over two years since the last time I went to Portugal, and I couldn't be happier than to know I will be there tomorrow morning. I can't believe how fast time flew. It's so funny to talk to my family today and tell them I'll see you tomorrow. It just sounds so weird, but it's true. Tomorrow morning I will see my mom, sister, nephews, grandmother and everyone else. This is definitely the best vacation I could ever ask for.

Family is SO important to me, that when I know I'm going to see them, it's the greatest feeling ever. I'm lucky if I see my sister and nephews once a year for two weeks. With our lives and jobs it's hard to take vacation all the time to fly across the ocean. Not to mention the cost of air fares.

Going to Portugal to see them is not the same as when they visit me here in the US. There is something special about being in Europe; breathing the different air, smelling the different scents, the different cars, different foods, everything is so different. These next 2.5 weeks are truly going to be the best. I'm all ready thinking about where I want to go, and eating out at my favorite restaurants. It's truly going to be the best!!!! I'll post some pictures on my blog of my vacation.

Blood Results = MTHFR

This afternoon I met with my Ob/Gyn to discuss the results of my recurrent miscarriage blood work. Originally we were also going to discuss the results of my HSG but it was cancelled. Well I did receive some news. My Dr. discovered that I have MTHFR; a rare genetic disorder that causes blood clots in my body. There is no cure, but things can be done to prevent it. He wants me to start taking a baby aspirin everyday. He has also prescribed me a high dosage of folic acid to take as well. My pnv has folic acid, but the prescribed version has 16x the folic acid as my pnv. He is 99% sure that this has been the cause of my two miscarriages. Carriers of MTHFR have a higher chance of miscarriages, recurrent miscarriages, high-risk pregnancies and high blood pressure during pregnancies to name just a few complications. None of this sounds good to me, but I'm prepared for everything and I know with John's support and love we can make it through this.

As for my HSG, this will be perform in November when I return from my vacation. He said for me he will do it any day of my cycle. So I don't have to wait until CD 10. I penciled in my HSG for November 7 so this might be the day. It's first thing in the morning, so hopefully he will not have any surgeries that day.

I'm feeling sad knowing this information. I feel like I have a long journey ahead of me. The good news is that I can definitely conceive, but we shall see what happens. I just feel like I am at a high risk for everything when it comes to pregnancy. After talking to him, I'm pretty sure that my sister is also a carrier of MTHFR. She had two pregnancies, but with her second one, it was high-risk and she had to be on bed rest throughout the whole 9 months. Thank God, that she delivered a healthy boy and he is as healthy as one can be. So seeing her gives me comfort that it can happen, although she never had a miscarriage, and I all ready had two.

While I was there this afternoon, it seemed like everyone women in the office was expecting. I felt pretty sad seeing most of them with their baby bumps. I wish I was the one with my little baby bump and expecting soon.

As for now, I'm ready to depart on Friday and ready for my vacation. It will be so good to be away with my family and not have to think about TTC. I can't wait to see my sister, nephews, grandmother, and family. I think I really needed this vacation more than anything.

Happy 4th Anniversary

Yesterday, Oct 2, was my 4th year wedding anniversary. I can't believe that John and I have been married for 4 years now. I can vividly remember the whole day as if it was yesterday. It was truly the happiest day of my life. Looking back four years ago; I can honestly say I love him more today. My love for him grows everyday as I spend my life with him. He truly is the best husband.

We met up for dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse and had a lovely dinner. He bought me, my favorite, red roses and an orchid for the house, along with two small gifts.

Here is a picture of us at our reception.

HSG got Cancelled!!!

I'm so mad and upset right now. So I just got a call from my Ob/Gyn's office saying that he will not be able to perform my HSG this afternoon because he's tied up in surgery. Okay. So the nurse says, "Will you be able to come tomorrow morning at 8 a.m.?" I said "sure", she said "Okay I'm going to call the hospital and see if they can do it." I'm waiting on the phone for about 3 minutes when she comes back and says, "Oh sorry, the radiology department is going to be in a meeting tomorrow, so this will have to wait until next cycle." Are you kidding me??? What about if I get AF in Portugal during my vacation and when I come back it's pass CD 11? Now I have to wait again? I normally don't get mad this easily, but this really got to me. I was hoping to have this HSG done and get answers to what's going on and just move on. I have an appointment with my Dr. on Tuesday to receive the results from our recurrent miscarriage b/w so hopefully there is some good news with that. I was really hoping to start TTC soon, perhaps this cycle, but I have a feeling I will have to wait until my HSG.

On the other note, I always try to look at the positive of everything, so I know it wasn't meant to be today. It wasn't meant for me to have this HSG today, for me to go to Portugal knowing the results. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I know it just wasn't my day for my HSG. At least if I can not TTC, I can really enjoy my vacation and not have to worry about any TTC issues. I can have a glass of wine with my family and go out with my cousin and not have to stop and think twice about drinking. I know that what is meant to be is and what's not is not. So now I have Tuesday to look forward too.

NKOTB / Pre-HSG Appointment

Last night, my friend and I attended the New Kids on the Block concert at Mohegun Sun in CT. We had such a good time! Seeing them perform last night, brought back so many memories of my childhood. Of course as you can all imagine, it was 99% women there. There were a few men, but hardly any. The girls were all going crazy once they appeared on stage. Screaming so hard that literally, the arena was vibrating. My friend and I walked out of that concert deaf. I do admit, I did scream a little, why not, join the crowd. It was really nice to hear some of their old music, and the ones that made them popular. The worse part, I got home at 1 am this morning and being sick for a while has not helped me today.

I also went to my Ob/Gyn's office this morning for my pre-HSG appointment. I filled out some paperwork and had to draw blood for a pregnancy test. It's so bizarre how they require you to take a pregnancy test, when you know damn well your not, when you can only have this procedure done once you have your period. So I'm ready for tomorrow. I need to check in at my local hospital at noon tomorrow. After that I will be sent to the radiology department, and off to the procedure. I'm hoping I will be able to get my results right away, since my Ob/Gyn is performing the HSG. I will keep you all updated tomorrow with the results.

John's Birthday

So today is John's 29th Birthday. For those of you who don't know, he is 1 year younger than me. He always gets his birthday off from work, work policy, so of course I always take the day off too. I started feeling sick Tuesday night with a cold so I wasn't sure if I would feel good to go out and have fun. Yesterday I stayed home in bed all day trying to battle my cold. This morning I felt better and after breakfast we drove to Plimouth Plantations. He loves history and it was nice to see how the English lived when they first settled here in this country. He absolutely loved the tours. Now we are waiting for my Dad to go out to dinner. I bought him a full set of new golf clubs. The ones he had were about 10 years old, so yes he was in need of some new ones. He can't wait to try them on the course.

So Happy 29th Birthday to the love of my life, John. I love you!!!

Recurrent Miscarriage Blood Work

The day has finally arrived, the day I have been waiting for a month now. This morning at 7:10 am, John and I walked into our local hospital to have our recurrent miscarriage blood work done. We walked in, checked in, and were sent to the lab. We waited for about 10 minutes and than we were called in. Together we both walked in, we sat right next to each other, and the blood work began. My Ob/Gyn had told me that my blood work was going to be more in depth than John's and it sure was. John filled up 2 tubes of blood and I a record breaker for me, 11 tubes of blood. I couldn't believe it, when the nurse said, we need 11 tubes from you. From that amount of blood, I can only imagine how many tests they will run on me. So it's done and on the way to a lab out in California. According to my Ob/Gyn, the blood work that was done today goes to a lab in California, where they will breakdown everything for us.

I feel SO GOOD today. I feel like at last I'll be getting answers to why I have had two miscarriages in 9 months. I am so optimistic about my results that I feel like I can not receive bad news from it. If indeed they do find something abnormal with John and/or me, that will explain why I have had two miscarriages and hopefully there is treatment for the cause. On the other side, if everything comes back normal, and it has just been bad luck, that's good news too because I know there is nothing wrong with us. I'm not sure how long it will take to get the results, but since it's going to California, it might take a few weeks.

Next step, waiting for AF to arrive this weekend, and have my HSG. My HSG has been scheduled for October 2 @ 12:30 p.m. Happy Anniversary to me! My HSG is going to be performed on my wedding anniversary. Perhaps that's a good sign for some good news.

I've been tagged

Yesterday I was tagged for the first time by Shannon aka Mrs Dutchie.

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

6 random things about me:

1.) My sister and I are the first born US generation in our family. My parents immigrated to this country from Portugal when they were teenagers. I learned to speak English when I was in Pre-school. I am bilingual and can speak, read, and write Portuguese fluently.

2.) I am an extremely picky eater. I don't like ketchup, mayo, mustard, relish, cheese, vinegar, to name just a few. I'm probably one of the few people you will meet who doesn't like chocolate. When I go out to dinner, 99% of the times I need to custom create my dinner. I need to remove just about everything so that I can eat everything plain. I personally wish I wasn't like this because I'm always worried if there is something in my food that I don't like. I also don't like to try anything new when it comes to food.

3.) I am a very emotional person. I can cry over anything, a song, a tv show, a card, when I talk to someone, just about anything anytime. I hate being like this because sometimes it can be embarrassed. But I can help it that I am this way.

4.) I love to cook and love anything that is kitchen gadgets, kitchen utensils, and cookbooks. I like to be in control of my kitchen, obviously because I'm picky. I find cooking to be very relaxing for me. I can spend a whole day in the kitchen just cooking and I would be happy.

5.) I am very obsessive when it comes to books and magazines. Before I buy a book or a magazine, I inspect it to make sure that the cover and pages have no folds. I make sure it's in perfect condition. If there is a fold, I will put it back on the shelf and re-inspect another one. When I read books, I hardly open it, because I don't want any creases on the sides or any folds on my pages. I've always been like this, not sure why, it's bizarre.

6.) I am a very optimistic person. I always look at the bright side of everything in life. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be is meant to be. Even when something bad happens, I always look at the good side. Because of this, I have become a very strong person.

I am tagging the next 6 people....

1.) Tara - chicaT415
2.) Jennifer - pembertonbaby
3.) Katie - lemon
4.) Alma - alma and jacob
5.) Amg - amgo6
6.) Mary - Marymrsh

I met a nestie!!!

So yesterday, I met my first nestie friend. A few months back I realized that one girl, chicat415 on the nest lived 15 minutes away from me. We have been talking and e-mailing each other ever since and yesterday was our first get together. We met at Panera Bread, and it was so nice to meet Tara in person and just talk about everything. The minute I walked in, we instantly knew who we were. We got to know each other a little bit better in person. We talked about work, family, husbands, and of course TTC. It's such a great feeling to have someone to talk to about TTC and someone who completely understands what your going through. I look forward to more get togethers with my friend.

Another week has gone by

Another week has gone by and I honestly can't believe how fast time flies. It just feels like the other day, it was the beginning of summer, and fall is almost here. But I'm extremely happy because Fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the feel of that cool breeze on a sunny day, and no more humidity! The weather is still warm, but at night you start needing a coat or a sweater. I love chestnuts, and they only come in the fall. I love to drive up to Maine and see the foliage. Fall is also John's birthday and our wedding anniversary. I absolutely love the Fall!!!

I had a great Labor Day weekend. We called it "my birthday weekend." John and I went to Nantucket and had a great time. We rented a moped and drove around the whole island. We saw all the beautiful homes, the beautiful scenery, and the beautiful beaches. We had a nice lunch and dinner. It was definitely another memory for us.

So this week I think I might of O'ed. I definitely had all the signs; fertile cm, and O pains. I guess I'll have to wait and see if AF does show up in two weeks from now. If I did O, that means that my cycle will be approximately 35 days. Do you know how long it's been since I've had a regular period? 14 months, over a year! If this is true, a regular period, I couldn't be happier. Perhaps my body is recovering? Getting normal again?

In the meantime, while we are not TTC, I have changed some of my habits. I have cut back on caffeine quite a bit. I still have my cup of regular coffee on the weekends with John, but that's it. Mon-Fri consists of decaf coffee. I also have cut back on alcohol, with the exception of an occasional glass of wine or so on weekends. I'm still faithful to my gym and I continue to workout 5 times a week. After having two miscarriages and irregular cycles for a year now, I feel like I'll do what I can to see if my body will become regular. I guess I'll just have to wait two weeks to see.

Betas are in

So my last beta result came in and it's finally O. I'm so excited because we can finally move on to the next step. John and I are going in for our first series of bloodwork on Sept 19. After that, I will be scheduled for my HSG. We are leaving to Portugal in October for 2.5 weeks, so my Ob/Gyn is making sure that all tests are done before our departure. He's also hoping that we will receive the results before the trip. I'm really hoping that we will, so I can go on that trip, knowing what is going on and where we stand. After all the results are in, John and I will sit down with my Ob/Gyn and he will go over all the results with us and what our next step is. So hopefully within one month I will find the answer to why I had two miscarriages.

Welcome "30"

Wow, I can't believe it's my 30th birthday today, August 28. Where did my decade of 20s go? I can't believe how fast my 20s went by. It seems like the other day I just turned 20 and here it is 10 years later, and I'm officially 30. I feel the same, not a decade older. I always say that your age is just a number from the year you were born. What's important is how you feel inside, and you better believe it I feel like I'm 20 years old today. Don't they say that 30 is now the new 20s?

My wonderful husband who I love so much, has all ready taken me out to breakfast this morning. I'm meeting him for lunch and than he's taking me out to dinner tonight. I feel so blessed to have him in my life.

I always said I wanted to have a child by 30, and well here it is and definitely no child or expecting one either. Life doesn't happen the way we plan or the way we want it to be. That's something I definitely have learned in just this past year. But today I feel so happy with my life. I have a great husband, a loving family, and I know one day at 30 or 31 or whenever I will be blessed with a child.

Bring on 30!!!

I'm Back

So since the last time I wrote on my blog so much has happened in my life. On Monday, August 11, I finally tested at 19 DPO and got a BFP. John and I were so excited to see that pregnant word on the home pregnancy test, although we were always a little scared. I had had a miscarriage back in December, so we knew that at any moment that could be a possibility. It's weird that in life, you can't celebrate the good news right away because your afraid what could happened. So I schedule my first pre-natal appointment which was in 11 days.

On Saturday, after driving 3 hours down to NY to visit my in-laws, I went to the bathroom and saw a small drop of blood. I immediately freaked out because I knew damn well what that spotting could mean. I became neurotic all day and all weekend. I was constantly going to the bathroom to see if it would get worse. By Sunday afternoon the spotting got worse and worse and it started turning bright red. At that moment I knew that my pregnancy had come to an end, and I had to except miscarriage number 2.

I have a long journey ahead of me now with testing to begin. My Ob/gyn is now scheduling me for a bunch of tests to see if he can figure out why I have had 2 miscarriages. I feel like everything happens for a reason, and I feel like my time to become a mother has not arrived. I'm ready to start my testing because John and I just want to get to the bottom of this and figure out what is wrong with me. John will also be tested now. I just want to get answers to what is going on. I'm ready to except the good and the bad news.

My betas are dropping but I have to go for my last bloodwork tomorrow morning. I'm hoping by tomorrow they will be down to 0 so we can start my series of tests.

I'm ready to move on.

The Due Date

So here it is today, August 5, my due date if I had never miscarried. Ironically, I'm feeling pretty good today. I think it helps that it has been 9 months and throughout that time I have completely healed. Of course I still think about it from time to time, but overall, time has healed my wound. Although I feel good, it's hard to think that during these 9 months, I have not conceived. I never thought that my due date would arrive, and I still would not be pregnant. This is definitely the worst part of today but I think of the good things that I have enjoyed this summer since I'm not pregnant. Drinking my favorite summer alcohol drinks for one has not been a problem and it feels good to know I can still loose those extra pounds that I have gained. Of course as today passes along, I will be thinking; would my baby have all ready arrived? Would I of been late? Would it have been a boy or a girl? But I know it wasn't meant to be and I know one day my due date will arrive, and I will have my baby in my arms.

Another Irregular Cycle

So here it is, CD 29 and no O. I have had, what seems like an eternity of fertile mucus, but no temp spike to confirm it. I have also had O pains, and nothing. If I didn't see the mucus or feel signs of O approaching, it wouldn't bother me as much. But I honestly feel like, my body is playing tricks on me. I know I am not actively TTC, but all I want is a regular cycle. One that is less that 40 days, how hard is that? So even if I O today on CD 29 and add 14 days, I will have a 43 day cycle, which is irregular. I hate waiting to O because day after day I see that my cycle is slowly becoming irregular. The only good thing about my cycles, is that I always have at least a 14 day LP. I guess someone can't have everything negative. So in the meantime I'm trying to stay positive and see how the rest of the months will go and I always ask myself will this be my last irregular cycle?

In the meantime, two weeks ago I joined a gym. Besides putting on 15 lbs during the winter, I felt it was time to do something different and productive. I've always hated doing any type of exercising; going for walks, bike riding, especially going to the gym to workout. But I have completely changed to the point I don't recognize myself. I have been going to the gym five times a week and working out for at least one hour every day. I am now doing Yoga, Pilates, and other cardio classes. I'm so motivated to go to that gym Monday through Friday, it's amazing. Although it's only been two weeks, I have seen some changes. My legs are becoming a little firmer, I have also been sleeping better and just feeling better in general. I'm also hoping that this will help regulate my cycles. I'm so proud of myself.

Weekend with John

Well it's Friday and who doesn't love Fridays? Having two days off from work and knowing I can sleep in always gets me excited.

But today is a different Friday from the others, John will be away all weekend. I have to say that in the 3 1/2 years that we have been married, we probably have been separated maybe 5 times at most. So of course I'll be missing him very much. He's going to New Hampshire to spend a "guys weekend" with his uncles and cousins. I know he will have fun, so that makes me happy.

So what will I do this weekend as a single lady? Tonight I'm going out with my friend and her friends and we are going to party!!! We are all going out to dinner and than we are going to a nightclub. The weirdest part about going to a nightclub is that I can finally see that I don't look 21 years old anymore. I realize that those we are 21 or so look much younger than what I do. I guess it's time to realize that yes, I will be 30 in a few more weeks.

The next few days after the miscarriage

So on Sunday night we drove back home to Massachusetts. John stopped at a Trader Joe's to pick up our favorite nuts for out oatmeal and I stayed in the car. When he got to the car he was carrying a dozen of red roses (my favorite) and a Christmas plant in his hands. As he got inside the car he gave them to me and said, I just want you to know how much I love you!!! I just burst into tears again and hugged him so much. He truly is the best husband!!! When I called my Ob/Gyn on Saturday to report the spotting that still wanted me to go in on Monday morning and to bring all the paper work from the hospital in NY. When I got there, I was told that the appointment was just for b/w. I told them that I didn't need any more b/w done on me, I knew that I had a miscarriage, and all I wanted was to talk to the Dr. I had never met this doctor before so I wasn't sure what to expect. Would he see me although he never met me? Would he even make time to see a new patient on a day I didn't have an apointment? Well the receptionist was so nice to me and said that indeed he was in and was going to see if he could talk to me. About 5 minuts after waiting in the waiting room, she called my name and said that yes the doctor would see me in his office. I walked in to his office and started talking to him about everything. The irregular cycles, the pregnancy, the bronchitis, the miscarriage, reasons why I could of miscarried. Talking to him was like talking to my best friend. He just sat in listen to every thing I was saying. We talked for about 20 minutes. I walked out of that office with the biggest smile on my face because I realized I had a great doctor. Here I was walking in there, with no appointment and yet he was willing to see me and take the time out to talk to me. I went to the lab for more b/w and was sent for an ultrasound. Two days later my doctor calls me and tells me that everything was normal in my b/w but he strongly recommended me to wait 3 months before TTC. He also wanted me to go in for more b/w on CD 3, CD 10, and CD 21. After a month and a half of good b/w results, I saw him again in his office and he told me, he saw no reason why we should wait. I had the green light to try again. Well that was the easist part, now I just had to wait until my body was ready to ovulate. Day after day, week after week, and no sign of ovulating. In mid February I had some spotting and when I called my dr he said it was mid-cycle spotting from an annovultory cycle. He sure was right. About two weeks after my body decided to O. So ever since January we have been TTC but my body has still been irregular so we have not had any luck. I finally decided in late June that it was time to give my body a rest from all this TTC. I have now been irregular for one year. I'm going to Portugal in October to visit my family and I just need to stop thinking about TTC for a while. In the meantime my goal is to see if I can get my body to O at a regular time. So TTC will begin again in October.

When we decided it was time....

John and I got married on October 2, 2004 and it was my fairy tale wedding. I married my best friend, my soul mate, and the person whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. From the beginning we always talked about having children, having that little person that would be half of me and half of John, but there were definitely priorities. We definitely knew we wanted to own our own home before we tried to have children. We didn't want to have a child while we were still renting and living in our little apartment. Well that priority was fulfilled when we bought our home in August 2007. Day after day we moved in, we decorated, and before we knew it, it was all finished and it finally felt like our little nest. We also decided that it was time to add a new member into our nest. So in November we decided it was time to finally try to conceive. I had been irregular for a few months now and I had decided in July that I was going to start charting. I begun charting in July and I noticed that I was becoming irregular cycle after cycle. At first I thought the reason why I was so irregular was because I went through a lot of stress during the whole closing and moving process of the house. So in November I gave up alcohol and starting doing good things for my body to become ready to have a child. I finally ovulated on CD 36. Ironically at the same time I also got bronchittis and was very ill for a few days. I continued temping during the long 2 ww period. I had no symptoms what so ever, although my chart did show a triphasic pattern. On 15 DPO I knew that either my temp would drop and AF would arrive or my temp would raise and it could possibly be a BFP. So on 15 DPO, my temp sore and I knew that I was pregnant. As soon as I saw my temp, I got up from bed and told John I was pregnant. He was shocked! That afternoon I stopped at CVS and picked up a digital home pregnancy test. I waited until John got home and took the test. After about 3 minutes, I look at the test, and the result showed up - pregnant. We were so excited!!! That night we talked about everything and how we would have a little baby in 9 months. The next day I told my parents and called my Ob/Gyn to schedule an appointment. I had never met this Ob/Gyn that I was going to because in the past I was always seen my the physician assistant, but my primary physician recommend him to me and I went with her recommendation. It was still all a shock to me the fact that I was pregnant. That weekend we were going to New York to a Christmakkuah part and we decided that we would tell John's parents that we were expecting. We told them the news when we got there Friday night and his mom was so excited. We went to bed and the next day is when everything begin to unfold. I woke up and went I went to the bathroom I saw that I was spotting bright red. I got a little nervous but at first didn't think much of it. I had read in the pass that some women experience some spotting, so I thought this is what I'm having. As the morning progressed the spotting became more intense and I also noticed that my breasts were no longer swollen. At that exact moment I knew that I was miscarrying. I called my Dr. and they wanted me to go in for some blood work immediately. When I told them I was not in town but in NY, they said for me to go the hospital right away and gave me list of all sorts of blood work that I should have done. I told John and his parents the news and they rushed me to the hospital. At this time the bleeding was now officialy flowing like my period have arrived. I was checked in and within minutes was seen by the doctor. After an hour or so of bloodwork and urine samples, the doctor approached John and I and told us that he was sorry to inform us that I had indeed miscarried. I bursted out into tears. The doctor told us that his wife in fact had had two miscarriages and today they had two lovely sons. John just kept holding my arm. I went in for an ultrasound and indeed there was nothing there. I went home back to my mother-in-law's house feeling so empty. I couldn't believe it that I had miscarried! I called home and told my parents and my sister immediately. I felt so sad that we had just told the good news to my in laws and now we were on our way home to reveal some bad news.