Betas are in

So my last beta result came in and it's finally O. I'm so excited because we can finally move on to the next step. John and I are going in for our first series of bloodwork on Sept 19. After that, I will be scheduled for my HSG. We are leaving to Portugal in October for 2.5 weeks, so my Ob/Gyn is making sure that all tests are done before our departure. He's also hoping that we will receive the results before the trip. I'm really hoping that we will, so I can go on that trip, knowing what is going on and where we stand. After all the results are in, John and I will sit down with my Ob/Gyn and he will go over all the results with us and what our next step is. So hopefully within one month I will find the answer to why I had two miscarriages.

Welcome "30"

Wow, I can't believe it's my 30th birthday today, August 28. Where did my decade of 20s go? I can't believe how fast my 20s went by. It seems like the other day I just turned 20 and here it is 10 years later, and I'm officially 30. I feel the same, not a decade older. I always say that your age is just a number from the year you were born. What's important is how you feel inside, and you better believe it I feel like I'm 20 years old today. Don't they say that 30 is now the new 20s?

My wonderful husband who I love so much, has all ready taken me out to breakfast this morning. I'm meeting him for lunch and than he's taking me out to dinner tonight. I feel so blessed to have him in my life.

I always said I wanted to have a child by 30, and well here it is and definitely no child or expecting one either. Life doesn't happen the way we plan or the way we want it to be. That's something I definitely have learned in just this past year. But today I feel so happy with my life. I have a great husband, a loving family, and I know one day at 30 or 31 or whenever I will be blessed with a child.

Bring on 30!!!

I'm Back

So since the last time I wrote on my blog so much has happened in my life. On Monday, August 11, I finally tested at 19 DPO and got a BFP. John and I were so excited to see that pregnant word on the home pregnancy test, although we were always a little scared. I had had a miscarriage back in December, so we knew that at any moment that could be a possibility. It's weird that in life, you can't celebrate the good news right away because your afraid what could happened. So I schedule my first pre-natal appointment which was in 11 days.

On Saturday, after driving 3 hours down to NY to visit my in-laws, I went to the bathroom and saw a small drop of blood. I immediately freaked out because I knew damn well what that spotting could mean. I became neurotic all day and all weekend. I was constantly going to the bathroom to see if it would get worse. By Sunday afternoon the spotting got worse and worse and it started turning bright red. At that moment I knew that my pregnancy had come to an end, and I had to except miscarriage number 2.

I have a long journey ahead of me now with testing to begin. My Ob/gyn is now scheduling me for a bunch of tests to see if he can figure out why I have had 2 miscarriages. I feel like everything happens for a reason, and I feel like my time to become a mother has not arrived. I'm ready to start my testing because John and I just want to get to the bottom of this and figure out what is wrong with me. John will also be tested now. I just want to get answers to what is going on. I'm ready to except the good and the bad news.

My betas are dropping but I have to go for my last bloodwork tomorrow morning. I'm hoping by tomorrow they will be down to 0 so we can start my series of tests.

I'm ready to move on.

The Due Date

So here it is today, August 5, my due date if I had never miscarried. Ironically, I'm feeling pretty good today. I think it helps that it has been 9 months and throughout that time I have completely healed. Of course I still think about it from time to time, but overall, time has healed my wound. Although I feel good, it's hard to think that during these 9 months, I have not conceived. I never thought that my due date would arrive, and I still would not be pregnant. This is definitely the worst part of today but I think of the good things that I have enjoyed this summer since I'm not pregnant. Drinking my favorite summer alcohol drinks for one has not been a problem and it feels good to know I can still loose those extra pounds that I have gained. Of course as today passes along, I will be thinking; would my baby have all ready arrived? Would I of been late? Would it have been a boy or a girl? But I know it wasn't meant to be and I know one day my due date will arrive, and I will have my baby in my arms.