I'm Back

So since the last time I wrote on my blog so much has happened in my life. On Monday, August 11, I finally tested at 19 DPO and got a BFP. John and I were so excited to see that pregnant word on the home pregnancy test, although we were always a little scared. I had had a miscarriage back in December, so we knew that at any moment that could be a possibility. It's weird that in life, you can't celebrate the good news right away because your afraid what could happened. So I schedule my first pre-natal appointment which was in 11 days.

On Saturday, after driving 3 hours down to NY to visit my in-laws, I went to the bathroom and saw a small drop of blood. I immediately freaked out because I knew damn well what that spotting could mean. I became neurotic all day and all weekend. I was constantly going to the bathroom to see if it would get worse. By Sunday afternoon the spotting got worse and worse and it started turning bright red. At that moment I knew that my pregnancy had come to an end, and I had to except miscarriage number 2.

I have a long journey ahead of me now with testing to begin. My Ob/gyn is now scheduling me for a bunch of tests to see if he can figure out why I have had 2 miscarriages. I feel like everything happens for a reason, and I feel like my time to become a mother has not arrived. I'm ready to start my testing because John and I just want to get to the bottom of this and figure out what is wrong with me. John will also be tested now. I just want to get answers to what is going on. I'm ready to except the good and the bad news.

My betas are dropping but I have to go for my last bloodwork tomorrow morning. I'm hoping by tomorrow they will be down to 0 so we can start my series of tests.

I'm ready to move on.